“Lean In,” by Sheryl Sandberg
Chapter Two: “Sit at the Table”

This book is better than a pep talk for me. It’s also coming at the perfect time in my career, a moment when I find myself saying a lot “I know I've been lucky.” “I know I've moved up fast.” “Not sure why that happened, guess I was just in the right job at the right time with the right supervisor.” Now, all of that is true, but the point that Sandberg makes in this chapter is that women tend to underestimate their contribution to their success, and they tend to undersell themselves. I know that this has been true of me and my career.



Because it’s not just about the “institutional obstacles,” a big part of it is that “women face a battle from within.” As an example, Sandberg cites a keynote speech that Peggy McIntosh gave on “feeling like a fraud.” Reading Sandberg’s reaction to the speech, I realized it’s the same reaction I’m having to her book. “At last, someone was articulating exactly how I felt.”

Sandberg goes on to explain about the “impostor syndrome” and how women constantly underestimate themselves. I know it’s true of me. In the past I have been told – usually by men – that I have a tendency to dwell on my mistakes, on my negative characteristics. One particularly smart boss pointed out as my “area of weakness” that I often had good questions, but undermined them by always prefacing with some sort of self-effacing comment like “I know I don’t really understand this,” or “I’ve never done anything like this before, so I’m not sure that I’m asking the right question.”

My friend Emily used to talk about how she used “smile therapy” to bring her up when she was feeling down. Sandberg talks about the same solution. Just as “lack of self confidence can be a self-fulfilling prophecy,” using a strategy of “faking it until you feel it” can be empowering and so much more rewarding. Like the women in this chapter, I too have said many times, “I can’t really do that, I’ve never done it before,” where my male colleagues often say some version of “bring it on, I can handle it.”

The point of the chapter is to believe in ourselves. Exercise confidence. Of course, recognize those around you who have helped bring you to where you are, but accept the accolades that come to you for the work that you have done.

Don’t hesitate, don’t sit to the side when you should be at the table, don’t shy away from a challenge. Go out there and get it, girl – you've earned it!