"Lean In," by Sheryl Sandberg
Chapter Seven: "Don't Leave Before You Leave"
With this chapter, Sandberg is speaking my language all over again. In fact, she's speaking my language so much that I hesitate to analyze or paraphrase big sections. So I'm going to start with some perfect quotes that get right to the heart of the issue.
"From an early age, girls get the message that they will have to choose between succeeding at work and being a good mother. By the time they are in college, they are already thinking about the trade-offs they will have to make between professional and personal goals."
"I'm a big believer in thoughtful preparation"... "But when it comes to integrating career and family, planning too far in advance can close doors rather than open them." "Women rarely make one big decision to leave the workforce. Instead, they make a lot of small decisions along the way, making accommodations and sacrifices that they believe will be required to have a family."
In other words, we pass up opportunities that we would have taken if we were not planning to one day to have a family, or move to a different town, or go back to school. By letting opportunities pass us by for some future unknown, we slow down our career progression. "The months and years leading up to having children are not the time to lean back, but the critical time to lean in."
And then, to make things worse, if we do return to work after having a baby or making some other change related to our family life, we see that our male colleagues have outpaced us. This is so discouraging that often we pull back even more.
"The more satisfied a person is with her position, the less likely she is to leave. So the irony - and to me, the tragedy - is that women wind up leaving the workforce precisely because of things they did to stay in the workforce. With the best of intentions, they end up in a job that is less fulfilling and less engaging. When they finally have a child, the choice - for those who have one - is between becoming a stay-at-home mother or returning to a less-than-appealing professional situation."
At the same time, "not every parent needs, wants, or should be expected to work outside the home." "No one should pass judgment on these highly personal decisions. I fully support a man or woman who dedicates his or her life to raising the next generation. It is important and demanding and joyful work."
Amen, sister. For me, the problem has never been in the value of choosing to work over the value of choosing to stay at home to raise a family, or vice versa. For me the pull is wanting to have it all. Which we can't do. And I love this book for realizing that we have to make choices, and supporting us to make the right choices based on our personal situations, but recognizing that they will be difficult. And, as this chapter points out, not choosing to leave before we need to.
These choices are intensely personal, and only you can make these decisions for yourself. However, it's rare that timing in life is ever perfect. Just like you may never get around to having a child if you're waiting for the "perfect moment," you may also never take advantage of greater work responsibility or a change in career if you're waiting for your personal circumstances to be ideal.
I really like the quote where one woman refers to herself as a "career-loving parent" rather than a "working mom." It's a much more positive label, one that I can live with.
If you've got the hard-cover copy of the book, there are a few more good sections in this chapter, like the bottom two paragraphs of page 100; two great examples on page 101, and some great data on page 102.
For this career-loving parent, I'd say if you only read one chapter of this book, make Chapter Seven that chapter.
Photo Credits:
Working Mom: theage.com.au
If you Have Kids: www.cartoonstock.com
Working Mother magazine cover: ingoodcents.com
Chapter Seven: "Don't Leave Before You Leave"
With this chapter, Sandberg is speaking my language all over again. In fact, she's speaking my language so much that I hesitate to analyze or paraphrase big sections. So I'm going to start with some perfect quotes that get right to the heart of the issue.
"From an early age, girls get the message that they will have to choose between succeeding at work and being a good mother. By the time they are in college, they are already thinking about the trade-offs they will have to make between professional and personal goals."
"I'm a big believer in thoughtful preparation"... "But when it comes to integrating career and family, planning too far in advance can close doors rather than open them." "Women rarely make one big decision to leave the workforce. Instead, they make a lot of small decisions along the way, making accommodations and sacrifices that they believe will be required to have a family."
And then, to make things worse, if we do return to work after having a baby or making some other change related to our family life, we see that our male colleagues have outpaced us. This is so discouraging that often we pull back even more.
"The more satisfied a person is with her position, the less likely she is to leave. So the irony - and to me, the tragedy - is that women wind up leaving the workforce precisely because of things they did to stay in the workforce. With the best of intentions, they end up in a job that is less fulfilling and less engaging. When they finally have a child, the choice - for those who have one - is between becoming a stay-at-home mother or returning to a less-than-appealing professional situation."
At the same time, "not every parent needs, wants, or should be expected to work outside the home." "No one should pass judgment on these highly personal decisions. I fully support a man or woman who dedicates his or her life to raising the next generation. It is important and demanding and joyful work."
Amen, sister. For me, the problem has never been in the value of choosing to work over the value of choosing to stay at home to raise a family, or vice versa. For me the pull is wanting to have it all. Which we can't do. And I love this book for realizing that we have to make choices, and supporting us to make the right choices based on our personal situations, but recognizing that they will be difficult. And, as this chapter points out, not choosing to leave before we need to.
These choices are intensely personal, and only you can make these decisions for yourself. However, it's rare that timing in life is ever perfect. Just like you may never get around to having a child if you're waiting for the "perfect moment," you may also never take advantage of greater work responsibility or a change in career if you're waiting for your personal circumstances to be ideal.
I really like the quote where one woman refers to herself as a "career-loving parent" rather than a "working mom." It's a much more positive label, one that I can live with.
If you've got the hard-cover copy of the book, there are a few more good sections in this chapter, like the bottom two paragraphs of page 100; two great examples on page 101, and some great data on page 102.
For this career-loving parent, I'd say if you only read one chapter of this book, make Chapter Seven that chapter.
Photo Credits:
Working Mom: theage.com.au
If you Have Kids: www.cartoonstock.com
Working Mother magazine cover: ingoodcents.com
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